Empty Handed
by projectofmyowndesign
Summary: So at the end of mokingjay we only hear that Peeta and Katniss find their way back to each other, but this is how I think they do. Angst, romance. Rated M for some language, scenes, and sexuality. This will not be a full lemon story. Please message and comment!
1. Chapter 1

_Tick. Tock. _

I'm not sure how long it's been since I've come through, but something tells me by the stench it's been a little too long. The sounds around me are faint, kind of unfamiliar as I gaze around at the décor of the walls. Something says home but it's not home to me. There's a clatter in the kitchen but I know who it is – Greasy Sae. Up on the wall above the doorway is a clock – the second hand moves so slow I'm sure it's not even working, but the mere thought of that thing sickens me to the core. District 12 was one of the poorest – the poorest in fact, we never had clocks; at least not us. We only received it after we came back from the 74th hunger games – the very games that defiled and ruined lives. But it was us who saved Panem somehow.

A voice that I remember rings through as the front door swings open, even though the stench of alcohol alone would be enough cue. Haymitch. "Well well well," exclaims Haymitch, staggering as he leaned against the doorway to what appears to be the living room. "Look who finally came through." I do nothing but scowl, in which he seems to think is absolutely hilarious because he's near rolling. "And definitely herself. Who would've thought." A small seep of hopefulness shines in his eyes for a second, and I hear Sae suggest him to go to the kitchen.

How long had I been out? The last I remember the air smelt of death and the harsh winter held no remorse. My hands ran along my stomach, flat to the point that my rips were protruding though it didn't look as bad as when I was younger. When have I ate? How did I eat? Faintly I make out some of what Haymitch and Greasy Sae are saying, but it doesn't interest me. Nothing does.

I stand, slowly and have to hold myself on the back of the couch before I fall over. My muscles are weak and aching but I need to clean up – this is ridiculous. The stairs seem to drag on forever as I finally make my way to the hallway. I know where to go which is weird; this place still seems foreign and empty. In the Master bedroom I find it to be perfectly kept up and made, which means either I was never in here or Greasy Sae did a good job at keeping it together. Up on the wall are pictures of the old times, when distric 12 wasn't rubble but still dead – but it was complete then. My gray eyes fall onto the center picture, and the heart I thought I had lost sank into the pits of my stomach. Trembling fingers fell onto the metallic frame as I fought back a reign of emotion. _Prim. _

How many times have I seen her death flash into my mind? How many times had I seen Gale , the person who was supposed to be my best friend, end her precious life? The life I fought two hunger games to protect. How long had it been? I shake my mind of the living nightmares and make my way to bathroom. Fancy, a little too much, but nothing compared to the Capitol. I turned the faucet on to warm the chilled water and could hear the quietness from downstairs.

I undressed, peering into my reflection. In did not look like the girl I was two years ago. I was determined to protect my family and die if it meant my sister had another chance. My fingers traced the scars visible on my olive skin and my hair stood on ends. It was a wonder I was alive, and the mere echo of Effie's disturbed words flash into my mind from the day my world began to fall apart.

_May the odds be ever in your favor. _

The odds were never. How could someone call this life – without my family for the matter, my _sister. _Ragged breaths, before I climbed into the hot shower and instantly shuddered. I washed myself clean, paying extra attention since it was un-telling how long it had been since I had. My hands lathered my hair and it wasn't to my surprise that the water was a dark color from the dirt.

Once done I stepped out and wrapped myself in a robe. I never owned one until now, due to Effie's insisted manner of how my life would be hell-bent if I hadn't. I had to admit, though, the soft plush teased my delicate flesh and kept me warm from the still chilled air. That's when my eyes trailed to the window, peering outside. To my surprise the ground was clear with a hint of dew on the still dead grass. By the position of the sun it was nearing the afternoon, when the lasting effects of winter's night turned into a hope – like spring. _Like a dandelion. _

I felt the pits of my stomach knot up, having to force myself to hold back tears. My association of the people I cared about and flowers was something from my father – after all, Prim and I were named after plants ourselves. Pushing back the _dandelion _thought, because if I began to question even more it was un-telling if I would relapse back to a state of comatose.

I got myself dressed, pants and a long sleeved shirt to fight the chill. My fingers played with the strains of hair until I formed a braid and let it hang over my right shoulder. In the mirror clothed I looked normal, the me before the war when things were a simple kind of bad. But it didn't hide the scars on my heart or soul, the ever-ending nightmare that haunted me in wake or sleep. Taking a deep breath, my feet carried me down the stairs. The mummers in the kitchen were only among a whisper, but there seemed to be someone else. I turned the hall towards the kitchen, eyes squinting to the brightness of the kitchen due to the large windows.

A ghost. That's what I must have been. Three pairs of eyes stared at me, as if trying to register my reaction. The first one I saw was Greasy Sae. Long, slender fingers trembled and she gave a faint, worried smile. Haymitch, who looked 10 years sober looked distraught, before moving to a position as if he had to move he could. The next eyes haunted my dreams and gave me life yet took it away. Breath-taking blue, as deep as the sky and as soft as the day he confessed to a nation of his _love. _

Peeta. _Peeta. _The boy with the bread. The boy I fought to keep alive. The boy who wrapped his hands around my neck and tried to kill me. _My Dandelion. _A wave of confusion and nausea hit me hard as I tried to regain control. My instinct was to scream, cry, fight.

"Katniss…" Hearing my name roll off his tongue stabbed me right through the chest. He was trying to gather himself, looking to Haymitch who just shook his head in respond. My only response was to run. Turning my heels I made my way for the door, barely stopping to pull on my boots. The scampering in the kitchen was mad, but when the chilled after morning air hit my cheeks it inspired me even more to run.

"Katniss!" There was no mistaking, that voice was Peeta and it only made me think of the Arena – him calling out to me thinking I was dead. I didn't stop – I wouldn't stop. I made my way to the woods, the only safe haven I had before the revolution. Fight or flight – they were chasing me. But that made me run even harder. My arms moved the thickened brush before I finally collapsed, falling at the trunk of a tree, losing my emotions. Tears streamed my face as I slipped all consciousness.

"Over here!" Haymitch's voice echoed in my head, sounding as if I was in a room. My hands held the sides of my head as I rocked back and forth, unable to control the distraught I felt. Two more sets of feet trailed, stopping at a distance, but only for a minute – it wasn't long until I heard one step closer. "Peeta.." Haymitch whispered softly, and I can feel their eyes burning holes in me.

That's when it went black. I felt my body sub come to the darkness and I fell back. Strong, sturdy arms caught me in the all too familiar embrace. The smell of flour and vanilla churned the pits of my stomach as delicate but deadly fingers ran the length of my face.

"She's still here…" His voice. It gave light to the darkness and for a second I wanted to open my eyes but I felt scared – of what, him trying to kill me? "Let's go back." The uneven walking lit fire to the flame and I knew I would stay this time.


	2. Chapter 2

_"__To this day, I can never shake the connection between this boy, Peeta Mellark, and the bread that gave me hope, and the dandelion that reminded me that I was not doomed."_

I slowly drift awake and, for the first time I realize how weak I really am. Strong arms are wrapped around me, and it all seems too familiar. I can smell the vanilla and yeast, the leftover stench of coal burnt in an oven. For a minute I don't move because well, this was the only place I felt safe around a year ago. Steps move from the kitchen and towards where we are, in which I'm guessing the living room. Peeta shifts, making me move so he knows I'm awake.

"Hi…" When my eyes meet his, deep blue and worried, a part of me wants to smile back.

"Hi." Is all I say, and I can see and feel his body untense beside me. Greasy Sae is beside me, an uneasy smile and glass of water. I gladly accept and take a sip, before moving from Peeta's embrace. I look down, thinking back to when I had seen him this morning and ran off. Why was I running from the only thing I wanted to see and protect?

"Sweetheart…" The staggered voice of Haymitch catches my attention as I catch him sitting by the window seat. "It's nice to have you back." His expression softens, looking almost sober until he takes a swig of scotch in his glass.

It was quiet, my fingers traced my palm as I bit my lower lip. What should I say? What could I say? Thank you for taking care of me in my state for however long it has been? The silence was uncomfortable, before Peeta cleared his throat and stands up.

"Are you hungry?" There is a pain in his eyes, and I know exactly what it is. He sees the skin and bones under my clothes, the same way I had earlier. I nod, trying to avoid his gaze.

"Good," he paused, as if pondering for a second. "Cheese buns coming right up."

I smiled, a weird feeling to my lips. I loved cheese buns, especially Peeta's cheese buns. Greasy Sae offered to help and before I knew it, it was me and haymitch alone in the living room. I stood up, as if looking to unfamiliar place that I had called home for a while now.

"Take your time, sweetheart." His voice is strict, almost fatherly. When I turn to him he's looking towards the kitchen. "Don't make him lose you again. It kills him. And don't run away from him. It's taking a lot out of him to get over what he did to you." The realization hit me. All this time in my slumber, my lose state of mind Peeta was worried, feeling like his was fault.

"How is he…" I swallowed a lump, refraining from the memories of a different Peeta, a mutt created by the capitol to destroy me.

"Getting there." Haymitch examines me, before standing up and walking towards me. "He still has episodes, but he has some control now." Placing a hand on my wrist before I tried to walk away, he looked at me sympathetically. "He needs you to be there for him, katniss. He needs you to help him, you know."

"Why, so he can wring my neck again?!" I spat out, almost afraid of my own high voice. I was beginning to tremble, being pulled into a hug.

"No, so he can help you. Do you remember everything, Katniss, or only your nightmares?"

I remembered the boy with the bread, the dandelion that gave me hope. I remember my first kiss to him for the capitol. I remember the way it felt when I woke up after the Third Quarter Quell and he wasn't there. I remember praying for his safety and watching the capitol use him against me. I remember running to reunite with him after he was rescued and his trying to kill me – a time too many. But I remember him coming back… and then he lost me. The nightmare was more than I could take.

I lost Prim to Gale's bombing, I lost the real Peeta to the capitol. I lost myself to the flight of war. I couldn't conceal the tears that ran down my face, and it hurt Haymitch to see it. It wasn't long before I felt his rough thumb wipe the tears from my hot cheeks, before he smirked. "C'mon, no need to cry. Where's the tough girl that almost took my fingers off on the bus?"

I forced a smile but decided to not show anything other than that. It's not like I hadn't cried before – it was just that now it seemed it was all I did. It wasn't long before the smell of cheese buns waived through the air and my stomach growled, making me wonder how long it had been since I had a real bite of food. Peeta was picking up the kitchen and Sae was doing the dishes, and my eyes wandered to the outside.

"How long has it been?" I guess I didn't need to say anything else, because Haymitch took a swig of his drink.

"It's been about four months." He saw the look of confusion on my face, and gestured me to sit down by the window. Once I did, he continued. "When the war was over, and they rebuilt some of the district we came back. Your mother, unable to cope with the loss of Prim, stayed in district 2. Gale works there, too, as a Peacekeeper of sorts. " Haymitch must have saw the look of disgust when he mentioned Gale's name, because he paused and signed. "I told him to stay away for a bit… because of what happened. He wishes you to be better," His hand is on my shoulder now, giving it a small squeeze.

"Peeta's been talking with Dr. Aurelius to help. Which, sweetheart, let's be honest… you need to talk to him, too." Dr. Aurelius was out doctor in District 13. He helped us all in the rebellion and now is helping Peeta. I didn't want to see him though. I didn't want someone telling me my problems and how to help because let's be honest – there was no helping from the nightmare that I've lived.

"No," that was as good as it got right now. I shrugged off Haymitch's hand and leaned against the window ceil, giving him a cold look. At some point or another, Peeta must have entered the living room because he was giving Haymitch a look.

"It's okay Katniss, only when you're ready." Something about this boy, Peeta, and his way with words or the blue of his eyes, it made me forget the angst I just felt. I only nodded, looking to his strong hand that reached for my own. "Cheese buns are done." I took his hand, following him to the kitchen like a lone lost puppy.

I swear if there were anyone else in the house I would have been called a pig, but Sae just laughed and Peeta did nothing more but smile triumphantly. I devoured those delicious cheese buns until my stomach was in a knot and I couldn't hold any more. The rest of the time I listened to them talk, listened to breeze shift the blinds and before too long the sun was beginning to set.

"Well sweetheart, I better go to the hob and stock up and go home. " I didn't mind that Haymitch was leaving, the stench of the alcohol was beginning to make my stomach turn. I simply nodded, and Peeta shook his hand in the sense that Peeta does. Greasy Sae smiled warmly at me, playing with her own fingers.

"I can stay again tonight Katniss, if you want." Her eyes were tired and the bags under them were black. She had spent time here tending after me as I was out in my own world. I gave her a smile and squeezed her hand, shaking my head.

"I think I'm okay. Go and get some rest." I looked away, almost shyly. "Thank you."

"It was the least I could do." Tears welled in her eyes before she gave me a big hug, before leaving with Haymitch. Now it was just me, this frail and broken mess and Peeta, the only thing I could call home.

"Well, this must have been an exhausting day for you. Why don't you go upstairs and go to bed. I'll finish up here and lock up once I ge—"

"Peeta…"

"…t done. If you need me I live on the other side of Hay—"

"Peeta…" I was smiling, he seemed to be a bit nervous.

"…mitch's… uh.. yes?"

"Stay with me?" I don't know why my heart was racing, or my knees were weak, or why I felt the need to cry. Peeta's face lit up, though he seemed like he was unsure before he looked down to me, his ocean blues meeting my gaze. He pulled me into an embrace, resting his chin onto my head.

"Always." He whispered into my hair, making my knee's buckle and tears stream my face.

We stayed like that for what must have been hours, because before I had known it we were sitting on the couch in front of the fire, and the next thing I knew I woke up to the sun shining in my eyes, and the smell of a baker under my body.

I hadn't had a nightmare that night. Because my nightmare was now.


	3. Chapter 3

I laid in the silence of the morning, the smell of burnt wood in the pit and vanilla yeast made a homey feel. I tried not to move too much so I wouldn't wake Peeta – who seemed like he was resting well for the first time in a long time. I slowly and carefully moved my head so I could gaze down to his perilous sleeping face. He looked so peaceful, so happy. Shaggy blonde locks ran into his long lashes, and the beating of his heart was subtle under his broad chest. I felt myself smile, for the first time in a long time, as I swept his bangs and let my fingers rest on his strong jawline.

_Always. _His pale lips curved at the corners, those deep ocean blues opening to look at me. "Good morning, Katniss." I let my fingers trace his jaw before pulling myself up off of him, noting the reluctant look on his face.

"Good morning," I murmured, allowing my fingers to play with the end of my messy braid. Peeta sat up next to me, running his left hand through his hair to tousle his locks.

"How'd you sleep?" He wasn't looking at me now, using his feet to cover the last of the ash in the fire pit.

"Good," I smiled a bit, watching him closely. "How about you?"

He turned to me, all seriousness played across his face. "It's the best I've slept since the Third Quarter Quell in the cave." My heart dropped, causing my eyes to look away from his burning hues to gather myself. Peeta always had a way with words, was such a romantic. Thinking back to it now, to how he proclaimed his love to me on the stage of the first hunger games and showed it, even when he knew I wasn't feeling the same – or was I?

I could have fooled myself. I could have fooled anyone. The way I acted when Peeta hit the force field and Finnick revived him, or when I went a little stir crazy when I was rescued and the Capitol took Peeta.

_"__I must have loved you a lot." _

_"__You did."_

_"__And did you love me?"_

_"__Everyone says I did." _

"I need to go make sure Haymitch is still alive." He broke the silence, standing and straightening his shirt. "Why don't you get a shower or sleep or whatever you need. I'll bring some rolls and then you tell me what you want to do. Oh, and maybe call Dr. Aurelius."

The expression of my face must have made him laugh. He grabbed my hand, entwining his fingers in mine and pressing them to his cheek. "I'm so glad you're back, Katniss." His eyes screamed that he missed me, but he kept it to that. I just nodded, offering a small smile before he let my hand go and walked off.

"I'll be back around.. 10 or so." I just stood there like a fool, not saying a thing – doing what I did best. A part of me wanted to curl up into a ball and wait for him to get back. A part of me wanted to tell him not to leave – in fear of the nightmares.

Once the door had opened I made myself go and get another shower and get dressed – this time in a pair of dark brown pants and a short sleeved black shirt. I even put on my boots today, which was an unfamiliar feeling. As my fingers worked to lace them up, an almost primeval instinct crept into my. I wanted to hunt. I needed to hunt. Something told me that I couldn't, though – not with the memories that will haunt me of the forest.

Time passed by slowly, the silence in the house was driving me a bit stir crazy. I still looked to all the pictures in the house. There were some of my mother and my sister, Prim. There was even a picture of gale. Suddenly, my fingers went to my chest and found the gold locket that Peeta had given me at the Quell. I opened it up, and there it was. A picture of my mother, one of Prim, and one of Gale. _A picture of the people closest to you. _

I'm not sure what happened or why I was so agitated, but my fingers clasped the locket closed and I ripped it off from around my neck, tossing it aimlessly in the room. I was angry, at myself perhaps – or at the thought. Peeta did everything he could for me to make me strong, to make me happy – and all I had done was put him last.

I thought back to Haymitch, what he had said to me one day and tried to push back the tears. _You could live a thousand lifetimes and not deserve him. _Haymitch was right. The thought stung through my heart. My back rested against the wall, trying to pull myself together.

The sound of birds outside caught my attention. I realized that, aside from taking off from the house yesterday I hadn't been outside. I opened the front door, squinting to the sun. Again the grass was painted with dew and the air was chilly. It was spring, I had known as much. The transformation of the district was shocking. The last time I remember stepping foot here the rubble was on fire and there wasn't a building left.

I only saw a few houses. Mine, then Haymitch's a bit farther, and a third house. I assumed it was Peeta's house. Haymitch's looked to be a bit messy. The yard was unkempt and the goats were barely in the container with the poor fence job. Bottles of booze were just thrown into a trash can outside of a window, probably the window to his living room.

It was making me laugh, typical Haymitch house. I began to make my way towards it, because I had heard that Peeta was going there. Perhaps it would be a good thing to get out. The walk wasn't far, but a good one – especially to someone who was knocked out and not all here for a few months.

A crash. Broken glass? Furniture was shifting around and I could hear Haymitch yelling something unintelligible. Then I saw it, from the window off of the porch. Peeta was hunched over the couch, shaking and murmuring. Haymitch just picked a piece of glass from his arm, giving a look to Peeta.

"Damn son. You could ease up on the old man you know." Why wasn't he helping him?! I slammed through the front door and tried to make my way to Peeta.

"Peeta! Peeta what happened?! Are you alright?! Help him, Haymitch!" I was exasperated! I wasn't sure what was going on, only that now the look on Haymitch's face was fear, and the look on Peeta's was something I only saw in my nightmares.

"Katniss" He hissed, his knee's buckling under him. He was fighting with himself and I knew all too well what was going on.

"Sweetheart, go!" Haymitch lunged himself at Peeta to hold him back before he lunged at me. I was frozen with fear, this wasn't the man that left my house a few hours ago. This was the mutt created by the capitol to break me, to kill me.

I stared one last time into his blackened eyes, the disgusted look on his face before I ran out the front door. Never turning back or looking back. I just continued to run as far away from it all as I could. Far away from reality.


	4. Chapter 4

** Sorry it took so long for chapter 4! I was doing final exams in college and chasing after my little one! I'll try to do a chapter a week. **

By the time I stopped running I was at the lake my father used to take me as a child. My knees gave in as I fell to the ground, writhing with agony. I couldn't hold back the tears or fight the confusion or even try to embrace my reality. Everything was fine until Peeta and I entered the 74th Hunger Games. Then when he proclaimed his love and the Capitol went wild… we defied them, used our story against them and they used Peeta against me. They knew I'd break, especially if it were Peeta coming after me. I couldn't hurt him.

_Why. _Why couldn't I? The many nights I fought to keep him alive because he saved my life? Because he deserved it? Because I _loved _him? I tried to calm my anxiety and try to remember this wasn't Peeta's fault, and it wasn't mine either. The only blame could be placed on the very thing that didn't exist anymore.

Once the trembles left my body and my eyes weren't so swollen, I gazed into the lake, to my reflection. The water was clear and blue, and in the island in the middle were the flowers I was named from, _Katniss. _Memories flooded my mind and took me back to when I was younger, when my father was still alive. I remember the way my mother and father had been, how every day it was the same routine – a kiss on the nose and a plate for him to eat. My father, in a way, reminded me of Peeta. Or should I say Peeta reminded me of my father. He was strong but sensitive, wise but weak. He had a heart of gold and dirty hands.

I was calm, enough to realize that I had been out here so long that it was beginning to turn dark. The sun, well hidden behind the tall trees no longer brought warmth to my pale skin but instead, created a light for the way home. I couldn't run away from my problems forever, or should I want to. Peeta was faithful by my side and I need to be by his, even if he tries to kill me. My gray eyes gave a final look to the lake, darker in color as the sun hid, and I couldn't help but smile.

It wasn't long before I came back from the forest and reached the opening to the houses. Only a light was on at Peeta's, in which I figured was because he had calmed down and Haymitch was tending to him. The knot in my stomach grew tighter as I approached, and it was as if Haymitch's keen sense knew I was coming. He held up a hand, telling me to stop before I let the screen door open. Peeta was bruised and patched up. At first, with his eyes closed, I thought he was asleep, then I realized he knew I was there too. A soft whimper escaped his lips, before I saw the tear fall down his fleshed cheek. Not caring, I came on in, not looking to Haymitch but placing a hand on Peeta's cheek.

"Don't," I was sure the sound wasn't audible, but he just looked away. "It's fine, Peeta…"

"No, it's not." His tone was sharp, something I had never heard of towards me. "If you took off running, like you usually do, obviously Katniss, it's not." The words stung, making my heart drop and my eyes burn. Haymitch looked over to me, a sad smile on his lips and his eyes read he was sorry. I took a deep breath, clearing my throat so our coach could leave. Reluctantly, after both mine and Peeta's eyes burned into him, he walked into the kitchen.

"Peeta." I tried to be soft, but with his stubborn attitude I couldn't. "Peeta!"

"I'm a monster." He replied, his sad blue hues finally looking into my own.

"Peeta, no, you're not." I grabbed his hand, holding one in-between both of mine, and tried to offer a comforting smile. "C'mon, we both know if you really wanted to, it would have taken more than just Haymitch to hold you back. You're strong, Peeta… Stronger than any man I know." He smiled a bit, letting his fingers rub my palm.

"And you're crazy, Katniss. The craziest woman I know." I laughed a bit, resting my forehead on our hands.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have ran." It was a whisper, and there was nothing. I could feel Peeta's eyes stare at my face and it felt like home, but I knew he understood and accepted it.

"Don't be… You came back, didn't you? You always came back." This was true. I always made sure I could find him and help him… save him…. Protect him. He seemed like he was pleased, that I was here now, facing his demons and sharing with him that everything would be alright.

"And you came back too." I reminded him. That very moment was only me and Peeta. There was a feeling my stomach that made my heart race and my skin flush. It was just us, eye to eye and hand in hand, lost in a moment. I only felt this way one other time, in the cave at the second Hunger Games. I wanted to lean towards him, place my lips to him and kiss him. Kiss him so deep and passionately that we forget the hell we're in.

He must have saw that and felt that way too. He took his free hand and brought my head down to him, a ragged breath before his placed his lips to mine and rekindled the fire. I thought for sure I was going to go up in flames, but just as soon as it started it all ended with the sound of Haymitch clearing his throat.

As we pulled apart we saw him standing in the doorway, brows raised with a smirk on his lips. "You know… it's more polite to ask someone to leave before jumping at it. But I'll take this as my queue to go…" The blush on my face was evident, but I'm sure Peeta's was worse. I couldn't help but laugh, at our faces and our arrangement. Apparently Haymitch thought this was hilarious, because he was laughing and nudged Peeta.

"You can stay." I blurted out, which made the air a bit more awkward now as I pulled myself away from Peeta and brushed some strains of hair behind my ear.

"Now sweetheart… you can't throw yourself at him and then just up and leave. There are consequences."

"I didn't throw myself at him…"

Apparently I was missing something. Peeta glared at Haymitch which just made this whole conversation more confusing. By this time Haymitch had to hold himself up against the wall as he was laughing. Peeta just laughed a bit now, maybe due to my face. It was carefree, and for the moment I wasn't sitting there thinking about the mutt created by the capitol or the state of where I am or what I've lost. I was thinking about how I could look forward to this for the rest of my life.


	5. Chapter 5

I stared ahead of me, to the Arena, to the place where my life changed forever. Something wasn't right, because if what I remembered I was back in District 12. I finally had slipped out of the unconscious state and was finding my way… Or maybe that was all a dream.

I was alone, but covered in blood. "Peeta… Peeta!" I screamed, beginning to run from the sand to the woods. My voice echoed, the eerie silence driving me insane. I looked to the force field, the bright light blinding me as I closed my eyes and shook my head. When I opened them again, I was now by the large tree, the heart of the games.

_Katniss, Don't! _It was a voice in my head, making it pound as I looked to my surrounding areas. Johanna, who was grinning manically, ran forward and slashed at my arm, and in the corner of my eyes before I fainted I saw Peeta falling to the ground and Finnick standing over him.

This was all a dream, it had to be. It had to be a dream, or I had to wake up. In the darkness all I heard was Peeta's voice echo over and over again… _SHE'S A LIAR! YOU CAN'T BELIEVE ANYTHING SHE SAYS! SHE'S SOME KIND OF MUTT THE CAPITOL CREATED TO USE AGAINST THE REST OF US! DON'T TRUST HER. I DID, AND SHE TRIED TO KILL ME. SHE KILLED MY FRIENDS. MY FAMILY. DON'T EVEN GO NEAR HER! SHE'S A MUTT! SHE'S A STINKING MUTT!_

"Katniss!" I jumped up, feeling tears streaming down my face as my throat was horse. Peeta was beside me, trying to hold down my hands to keep from hitting myself or him. "Katniss, it's okay. _Not real." _Not real. Crumbling into the headboard of my bed, I brought my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around. "Not real…" He was still murmuring, grabbing the sheets to wrap around the scratches that were bleeding on my arms and legs.

The uncontrollable sobbing was something that wasn't like me, but the nightmares were real enough to me. "I'm so sorry…" I couldn't stop, didn't even try to fight it off, but just sat there breaking apart. Peeta was breaking down, trying to hold his own composure. He was hesitant, but it didn't take long for him to shift his weight so it wasn't hurting his bad leg, and wrap me into his strong arms.

"It's not your fault, Katniss." He placed his chin on my head, rough hands rubbing my bare arms. It took some time before the sobbing stopped and my body finally stop trembling in his grasp. So this is what I was missing in my delusional state, and a part of me wanted to go back to that – to where I didn't have these nightmares. Footsteps were heard downstairs as Haymitch made his way up, and by his sigh I could tell he wasn't happy.

"Is she okay?" Peeta nodded, and I heard heavy steps go to the bathroom to get the medical kit and a bucket with water and sponge. Within a few minutes, he staggered his way back out and tried to look at me as I avoided his gaze.

"I got it, Haymitch. Go back home."

"Now jus—"

"Go. Home." Peeta was stern, something that wasn't like him, and Haymitch just sighed, walking towards the door.

"I'm calling Dr. Aurelius. She needs to see him again Peeta." Perhaps it was a good idea for me to talk to him… anything to get the thoughts and images out of my mind.

Once we heard the front door shut, Peeta moved and took off the bloody sheets. His blue eyes, burning into my face, stared at me as if trying to read my reaction. "Don't leave me again Katniss…" The whimper in his voice caused my heart to sink, before I finally turned my gray eyes to him.

"I won't…" I whispered, realizing how dry my mouth was. Peeta untensed in front of me, finishing the bandages and looking to the open window.

"I…I should have been here for you. I should haven't let you stay by yourself. This is my fault." He was tired, and the look on his face reminded me of when he felt himself letting go before. _Before. _How long ago was that, when he was still in a hijacked state of mind and losing it all?

"Peeta, it's okay." I tried to sound convincing, but he must have heard the strain my voice.

"Damnit, Katniss! Since when did we switch positions! It's not okay! Don't you see? You're like this because of me!" Standing abruptly, Peeta clenched his fist and his once light blues were clouded with tears and anger.

I tried to speak, but a lump was caught in my throat and I sat there, staring at him, watching him come apart. I wasn't running away from him, I couldn't run away from him. I was facing my nightmare and, taking insight what the games had actually done to us. Peeta didn't make me this way, the games made me this way. Peeta saved me. He saved me, in every way a person could be saved.

"All I ever wanted, Katniss, was for you to notice me. To maybe even talk to me. When the games happened I was willing to do _whatever _I could to get you back home. I would have killed myself for you to go home to Prim and Gale."

He was pacing now, and I sat there, watching him like a coward. I couldn't find the will to stop him. He wouldn't stop, but instead try to control his anger by clenching his fists even tighter. I knew this would result into flashbacks and if I wanted to avoid more conflict I should run. But somehow his words made me feel heavy at the heart.

"Then that kiss for the Capitol… That…" He was staring at me now, a snarky laugh escaping his chest. "That was good. I never felt more alive and you just… played it like a game." This wasn't the Peeta I knew, but I never moved or let my eyes leave his face.

"Did you even care? Do you even care, Katniss, or is this a game again? Do you only fall into this habit because it makes you feel better for yourself?" His reality must have been slipping away again, because his face distorted and he fell to his knees and held his head, fingers matting in his blonde locks.

_Don't let him lose you again Katniss. You're the only one who can save him. _Standing, the sheets fell away from my near bare figure, turning to his side. The baggy t-shirt, which I presumed belonged to him or Haymitch, hung loosely at the shoulders and the panties were something Effie insisted I try – boy shorts.

"Peeta…" Nervously, I placed my hands onto his, before letting them slide to his face to make him look up to me. Perfect blues, tainted with anger and rimmed with red stared back. "You didn't make me like this. The games made me like this. _You _saved me. You kept the others away from me in the first round, and the second you risked your life for me."

He was shaking now, falling farther down and letting his head rest in my abdomen. I hugged him, breathing a deep sigh before letting my legs give out and sit on my knees by him, letting my eyes find his. "Because of you I am still alive. Because of you I was able to destroy Coin. They may have thought they could hijack you and take you away, but it wasn't anyone else I fought for that night. It was _you. _I know, I know I shouldn't have acted the way I did after the first round, but… I was just… scared, you know."

Closing my eyes and pressing my forehead against his, I breathed, taking in his scent and holding myself together. "Thank you."

Peeta didn't say a word, still fighting himself in his nightmare and reality. He didn't resist but sat there, his hot breath washing over my lips. It was like that for a few minutes, until he was sure it was okay to move, letting his strong arms pull me closer to him. Warm tears that fell from his cheeks landed on my collarbone, and that was all that needed to be said.

We were broken, fragile as eggshells and the only thing to make or break us was each other. The day was here, the sun now high in the sky. But we didn't want to move, didn't have to move – together is where we felt the safest. I wouldn't deny this anymore.


	6. Chapter 6 - Peeta's POV

This is from Peeta's POV. Enjoy!

She was like the sunset, vibrant and warm, with a coolness that crept in just like the darkness. That's the way I would describe Katniss to anyone, and perhaps that's why I loved the sunset. I often had to take a moment to breath, to remember to not stare at her when we were around. There were so many emotions that coursed through me but due to Dr. Aurelius orders I had kept it under my tongue. _One step at a time, one day at a time. _Today though, today was my favorite.

Her eyes lit up to the breakfast I had waiting for her, warm cinnamon bread and a glass of fresh milk. I hadn't had a nightmare and as far as Katniss was concerned, neither had she. She was well rested, the kind that made her face glow in the soft light of the morning. The kind that made her smile and laugh, the tired, soft laugh that she genuinely meant.

At breakfast I tried not to stare at her too much, but just enjoy the company as she glowered and began to be herself again. My heart skipped a beat every time her gray eyes caught mine, or every time she let my name roll off her tongue. We could do this forever.

"Peeta, these are delicious!" She always loved my cooking, even if my mother had always thought it was horrible. That part made me smile – she wasn't like my mother, mean nor nasty. She appreciated it all, well, now she did. I'll never forget the day, the day with the bread.

The rain was harsh and unforgiving, dark and cold, and she was out there, starving, hungry. I always wanted to see her and help her. My mother was unhappy with the bread I had baked, so I made sure Katniss could have it. That was the day I saved her life, or so she claimed. Yet I owed my life to her so much more.

"I'm glad you enjoy them." I couldn't control my goofy smile, and I only knew it was goofy because I saw it on T.V during the games. When we were through with the breakfast, I cleaned up the kitchen as she got ready for the day. The leftovers I put back into the basket to take to Haymitch… if it weren't for me his own source of nutrients would be the alcohol he consumed.

A hymn, so soft, echoed the corridors of Katniss' house. It was a hymn she did for Prim, something she did without noticing as he tried to sleep. I went to find her, sitting in the living room and lacing her boots up. When she heard my footsteps, she smiled a bit, the only kind of smile she can do.

"I figured we could take these Haymitch?" I held up the basket, brows raised in question.

"Sure, he enjoys your cooking too." She was breathtaking – not that she wasn't always, but something about now it was more relevant. Since coming back to from her comatose state, and her obsession with cheese buns, she gained a bit more weight and started to look healthy again.

Her locks were pulled into her signature braid, a quarter sleeve v neck maroon knit top covered her features and, unadmittedly, gave her more of an adult appeal. Her breasts, which rose and fell with each breath, were full and her ribs were no longer visible. Katniss Everdeen was beginning to look like a women.

I had to look away and hide the fact that I was blushing, and, well, a man. Swallowing hard and shifting my weight, focused on the fact that we were taking Haymitch food. "I'm sure he does." My lips were dry, but I followed her to the door of the house.

The walk to Haymitch's was short, in silence as she took in the silence. Once at Haymitch's door, it was already cracked open and he was passed out on the couch in a white beater and an empty bottle of scotch in his hand. I cleared my throat, sneaking off to the kitchen to sit down his muffins. Katniss removed the bottle from his hands and found her way next to me, shaking her head. "And I need therapy." I smiled.

Haymitch must have been awake, or was awoken, because he didn't take to her comment well. "Listen here, Sweetheart. You try being me and dealing with you two all day long. Let's see how you like it." Something else seemed to be bothering him as he staggered into the kitchen, grabbing a questionable clean glass. "And plus we have an unexpected visitor who will probably be here in like an hour." Katniss and I just watched him for a moment, as he put water in the glass and swirled it around.

"Uhmn, who?" I questioned, as he stared at us in utter disbelief. Tossing the water into the sink, he grabbed the vodka from a cabinet and poured it in, taking a swig.

"Effie." He said, distaste in his voice as he near shuddered. Effie actually wasn't so bad anymore I thought. She didn't wear the horrible outfits or crazy makeup. She was normal, like the rest of us, and certainly came around towards the end.

"Could be worse." I shrugged, and Katniss didn't have too much to say. "Where will she be staying? At the hotel in tow-"`

"Will she stay in a hotel meh meh meh" Haymitch mocked, distastefully, before grabbing a new bottle of scotch and pouring a glass with his muffins. "She's staying here with me because she wants to be close to you two. Apparently she's expecting baby news or something." I blushed, and Katniss about kneeled over. Effie enjoyed the love story the most.

"What?" Katniss wasn't happy anymore, instead she glared at Haymitch. "What have you been telling her?!" She took a step forward, causing Haymitch to just stare and raise his hands defensively.

"Oh, not much…" Haymitch took a bite, as if contemplating on what he would be allowed to get away with saying. "Just that you two were… close."

Katniss wasn't buying it. "Close?"

"Yeah…" Haymitch shoved the other half of the muffin in his mouth and washed it down with his sctotch. "You know, like when you threw yourself at him and tried to do it here."

"What?!" It was a unison, but for a moment Katniss was blushing as well.

"Haymitch that wasn't what was happening…" I tried to stay calm, but the sight of Katniss blushing made for a lightened situation.

"I don't know that." He replied shortly, before sighing agitatedly. "Now you two move along. I got to clean this place up a bit and shower before the hag gets here. She's so damn annoying,"

"Wha.. you think you're going to walk away! Haymitch! It's not true!" He didn't even mind Katniss, but instead just walked by her and handed her his glass, walking up his stairs. It was a minute before the shower started running she was standing there, fuming.

"Katniss, it's fine. Uhmn, we'll just explain it to Effie and she'll understand. Besides, not like she'll believe him." She wasn't buying it. Tossing the glass into the sink, it shattered and she stormed out the door.

That was Katniss, the storm that turned into a hurricane. That was the woman I fell in love with 12 years ago. And the woman I still loved now. That woman who I wanted to wake up to every morning, like the way the birds continue to sing.


	7. Chapter 7

Haymitch, that drunkard had some nerve! I know, I should have stayed to help with the broken glass but as figured, every time I come around he has to run off an assume things! I stomped back to my house, dark blue. Peeta picked it up outside – the weeds and leaves, but I hadn't noticed much, until it caught my eye. Evening Primrose, all along the side of the house. Instantly, my heart grew heavy in my chest. I dragged myself to them, bending down to let my fingers scale over their petals. _Prim. _

It took a lot to not cry again, but now I had something else to agitate me even more. Standing, the phone inside my house was ringing and I knew who it was – Dr. Aurelius. _Again. _He called about 4 times a day, each time Peeta would come up with an excuse and hold heavy eyes. Well, he was about to get an earful.

"What?!" I snapped, rudely without a pleasant hello. There was a small silence, as if he was making sure he heard right.

"Katniss?" This definitely wasn't Dr. Aurelius. Blinking, I stopped for a minute, humiliated and trying to figure out who it was.

"Yeah?" I hesitated, my heart pounding.

"It's me." Well, hey "me"! I rolled my eyes. This wasn't helping at all.

"Johanna. C'mon, I know you're involved with Peeta and everything but come on! You can't forget about me!"

I smiled, the beginning of the day washing away as I began to laugh. Johanna laughed too, the way she does and I could hear some clanking in the background. "I'm not involved with Peeta," I finally said, feeling the heat rise in my cheeks as I leaned against the wall. Johanna began laughing again, loudly as if she were right there, and if she were I could see her giving me a playful shrug.

Johanna and I, we came a long way. Our first encounter was certainly different when she stripped naked in front of the three of us in the elevator – trying to make me jealous I suppose. Later in that arena though, with a plan I handn't known about, Johanna was there to save my life for the revolution.

"Whatever. I saw the way you kissed him in the Arena, Katniss." She was glowering on the other side, I could tell, grinning her crazy grin. "I saw the way you looked when he came back, and the way you did everything you could to save him and bring him back."

I stopped smiling, remembering the events of Peeta's hijacking and the fact that she, too, was tormented by the Capitol. She was stronger than them, I guessed, or perhaps her will was already so broken that it didn't faze her. "I'm sorry," I muttered, feeling as if I should apologize for only trying to save Peeta and not her as well – or at least that's what the perception was.

"Oh don't be," She commented, almost cheerfully, before continuing. "Peeta's strong Katniss, but not mentally strong. Besides, they tortured him, hardly me. I dealt with it, I'm back, and it's cool. I hold nothing against anyone or anything. Besides, girl on fire, if it weren't for you being a daring little rebel in the first arena we'd still be living in hell!"

Johanna had this way about her, the brute honesty that made you know she was one of the most honest people living in the districts. "Yeah, I guess you're right." I was wondering now why she had called, before I asked. "So.. what's going on?"

"Nothing, just making sure I heard correct, that you're back this time, and that you and Peeta are so sickly in love Haymitch has to make a sport out of drinking." I rolled my eyes. Only part of that was even remotely true.

"Johanna, I'm back… And Peeta and I are…" I was struggling for the words, biting my lower lip. "We're getting there."

Apparently that wasn't what she wanted to hear. "Oh come on, Katniss. Stop depriving that boy of what he wants. If you don't, Katniss, someone else will. Like me." I was confused by what she was implying.

"Wha… What do you mean… Johanna!" It was too late, she had already hung up the phone and it was nothing but a dial tone. Sighing, I slammed it down and stalked around my house impatiently.

Peeta didn't take long to come back over and check on me. I had sat down on the couch, resting my head on the back of the couch as he led himself in, peering in at me as if making sure it was safe. "Katniss... Are you alright?"

I closed my eyes, taking in his voice and just taking it all in. Something must have told him it was safe, because he took a few steps closer to me. _Someone else will. _I'd admit, I wasn't one for relationships and whatever I had with Gale was premature than this was. Peeta's heavy, uneven footsteps stopped across from me by the fireplace, and I took the moment to really analyze him. I breathe in his scent, husky and raw and sweet all at the same time.

I opened my eyes, looking at him for a moment and tried to a girl… or woman, for the matter. Peeta was attractive, in his own way. He had soft blonde locks and ocean deep blues, the kind of blues that pierced into your soul and melted your heart. His jaw was strong and, much to my surprise held the five-o-clock shadow. He was average height, a little lopsided due to his amputated leg from the first games, and toned but not overly muscular. His hands, soft, warm, and strong, always had a way of fitting perfectly with mine.

"I'm fine," I finally replied, trying to figure out the emotions that weld up inside of me. Peeta seemed unconvinced, and ran his hand through his blonde hair and stared at me, as if trying to figure out what to say or do.

"Look, Katniss, what Haymitch said back there – don't pay him any mind, you know how he is!" He was beginning to worry, and it caused me to smile. When he caught sight of it, he smiled himself, shaking his head for a moment in confusion. "What's going on in that head of yours?" He moved next to me, pointing at me before brushing the back of his hand across my forehead, moving the bangs out of my face.

"You really love me, real or not real?" The question slipped out, without me really wanting it and it must have surprised Peeta just as much. Blushing, he managed to look away for a minute. I wanted to slap myself and walk away, knowing that this subject was hard for him, for both of us. He was trying to find the words, and I could see him fighting with the monster inside of him.

"Peeta, sorry, I didn't mean to…" He pushed my hand away as I tried to touch his shoulder, standing up again and walking to the window and leaning against the border. Way to go, Katniss. First time you open up and he completely just disregards you. "Peeta.." I almost begged, standing to walk near him with my own foolish pride.

"Is that even a question, Katniss?" His voice was strained, tired almost, as he leaned more against the door and closed his eyes. I couldn't tell if he was fighting the wave of emotions from his hijacking, or if he was just agitated all together. He must have figured out the course, calmed himself a bit down, because before I knew it he grabbed me and pulled me to him, pressing me hard against his body.

"Real, Katniss. It's real." His strong hands found the sides of my face, lifting it up so we could be at eye level. His short, hot breaths tickled my lips as his eyes searched my face for a reaction. I just stared at him, a warm knot filling in my stomach as he leaned closer and let his lips land feverishly on mine. A hurricane of emotion swept through me, and as he pressed harder against my body I gasped into his animalistic kiss. I tried to think of an action, so caught up in the moment I didn't know what to do or say or how to even react, but this feeling I had right now was something I felt before with him at the Quarter Quell. And I felt as hungry as him.

My hands found his broad shoulders as I pulled him down a bit, parting my lips and gratefully tasting him… and he tasted amazing. I felt like an animal, the new emotion coursing through my blood and driving me into madness. Peeta must have been feeling it too, because he nibbled on my lips. "You love me, real or not real?" His voice was thick now, heavy with an unfamiliar tone that wasn't the Peeta I knew.

This must have been what Haymitch and Johanna were talking about, because when I didn't respond right away he let a small growl escaped his locked lips, letting his hands slide the curves of my body to my buttocks. He squeezed eagerly, lifting me up against the window. "Say it, Katniss."

My mind was a whirlwind, emotions flowing every which way as I tried to find the right words to say. His hot lips trailed to my neck, softly suckling as he grinded against me. I felt something I had never felt before, but the way he thrusted into me felt kind of nice. "Real," I whispered in his ear, and all humane thoughts left Peeta's mind and body, because now he shifted his weight and moved us to the couch where, even in the heat of passion, he laid me down gently.

"Katniss," he almost purred, baby blues darker with lust as he help my gaze. I couldn't control my feelings, wiggling my hips eagerly beneath him as if wanting more… though I wasn't sure what more was. I was 18 years old, and still a virgin – a complete virgin. No sex nor foreplay or anything. This was the closest I been, but I understood now why people wanted it so bad. I felt ways I had never felt before, and he must have known it too because his eyes trailed down my body to between my legs where his hands moved.

I shivered, feeling his hands on my thighs as he spread them apart and shifted his body between them. From this angle I could see the bulge that had brought me pleasure, and he smiled a bit, grinding himself against my womanhood. My very hot, soaking wet womanhood… It drove him absolutely wild when he felt it against himself.

"Katniss…" He spoke again, almost louder this time, and as I found myself reaching to grab him down something else was shaking me… and then Haymitch's voice was in my mind as well.

"Katniss!" Peeta shook me, and I finally snapped back to reality. Sitting up in horror I looked around, only to see Haymitch and Peeta looking at me questionably.

"What…" I rubbed my head, trailing the beads of sweat to my hair as I tried to gather what was just happening.

"Sweetheart, you really need to watch where you're going." Haymitch said, shaking his head in disbelief as he took a swig of his alcoholic drink. Peeta was beside me, helping me to stand up as he smiled innocently.

"You blacked out on your way home…. Are you coming down with a cold?" Peeta's blue eyes looked into mine, full of worry, as I tried to hide the blush creeping up my face – I just had a dream, a sexual dream, and I was hot and bothered.

"Oh, I feel a little faint, could you walk me home…?" I muttered, still embarrassed by my hot stomach and aching lady parts. Peeta was even more concerned now, nodding to Haymitch as he escorted me out the door.

Haymitch was making pregnancy jokes in the background, but all I was focused on was getting away from Peeta and taking a minute to clear my head of what I was feeling. "On second thought, Peeta, help Haymitch straighten up. I'm going to go lay down for a bit so I can be ready for when Effie gets here!"

I tried to put on a good smile, and Peeta stared at me for a moment as if wondering if I could make it home alone. "Seriously Peeta, I'm fine." Reluctantly, he sighed, giving my hand a small squeeze before offering a small smile.

"Sure, I'll check on you later, okay? And let me know, so I can get you medicine." Typical, sweet, nice man Peeta… nothing like the fevered animal in my dreams. I offered a smile back, hurrying off to my own house and going in, slamming the door. The phone rang, and I wasn't going to answer it. I had to take care of this feeling in the pits of my stomach and change out of these soaking wet panties.


	8. Chapter 8 - Mature eyes, sexual refer

Embarrassed wasn't even the word to describe myself right now. I slammed the door shut, locking it with shaking hands and looked around. Never had I felt something so strong stir in the pits of my stomach, and even though it wasn't real it sure felt real. I walked to the kitchen, peering through the blinds and making sure Peeta hadn't followed me, and he didn't. Haymitch was slinging things around his house and Peeta was picking it up after him, every now and then looking towards the house.

I had to get rid of this feeling. My heart was still racing against my breasts, my stomach still in knots as the heat was inevitable between my legs. Groaning, I decided a second shower would help with my situation, so I kicked off my boots and made my way up the stairs.

It felt like it took forever, and once in my room I passed by the full length mirror against the wall and stopped, trying to see if Peeta or Haymitch could have noticed a different in my appearance. Well, of course they couldn't – this was purely on the inside. I began removing articles of clothing and turned the bath water on to hot, putting the plug in the bottom so I could soak in the bath. It was rather a luxury, unlike the metal tub I rinsed myself off with, and I had grown accustomed to soaking in the warm water and letting my thoughts drift away. Hopefully this time it would help as well.

Once stripped, I slowly slid into the steaming water and went down to my nose so I could still breathe, trying to erase the vivid thoughts I was having of Peeta. It was impossible, each thought racing through my mind and causing my womanhood to twitch and my nipples to harden in the heat of the water.

Biting my lower lip, I leaned my head back against the porcelain tub and stared at the white tiles on the ceiling. My hands were tracing bubbles on the waters surface, trying hard not to notice the want for attention between my legs.

But the way his lips landed on mine, and how it felt when he was grinding against me… Without realizing, my own hand seeped under the surface of the water and to the crown of my womanhood, touching shyly to the matte of hair that made me a woman. I shivered, trying to push back the negative thoughts but I just didn't care. I wanted to feel a release of my tension.

I shifted my weight, allowing my legs to open a bit more as I nervously ran a finger along the length of my slit, gasping at how moist and hot it was – a different moist than the water was providing. So this is what those girls always talked about, self-exploring and becoming comfortable with yourself. I slipped my finger into the folds, brushing against my twitching nub and I couldn't help but moan, though I had wished it was Peeta still grinding against me.

My free hand grabbed at my round breasts, teasing the nipple between my thumb and index finger. The feeling was exhilarating, and I wanted to do more. My hand at my womanhood went further down, slipping a finger into my tight opening and feeling my muscles clench around it. It was naughty, something so exotic but I just couldn't stop. I added another finger, gasping as I plunged them hastily in and out of my throbbing vagina. My back was arching as the parts of my body outside the water glistened with sweat.

Now what would this feel like if it were Peeta, strong yet gentle hands plunging.. I couldn't bare it. I barely muttered his name, flexing my hips up and against my hands as I climaxed into it, so prematurely. The warm wave of juices fell over my fingers as I pumped them in a few more times, shivering with the thrill of getting myself off to the boy with the bread. The knot in my stomach no longer called my name and I was feeling better – the need and hunger was gone and I could face the day… Or so I thought.

I was just barely out of the shower before I heard Peeta's footsteps downstairs. I could tell his by anyone else's, due to his amputated leg being a little heavier. I threw on some clothes again and ran my hands through my damp hair before opening the door to head down the stairs, only to spot him staring up at me with concerned hues. "Katniss, are you alright?"

Alright… worked. But I felt so… naughty for what I had just done. Swallowing hard, I tried to force a smile down to him. "Yeah. Guess it was the stench of Haymitch's alcohol…" I continued to the bottom of the stairs, brushing past Peeta and trying not to show the excitement I felt near him. He just watched me, seeming rather confused.

"Are you sure? Effie would understand…" Effie! In this whole ordeal I had almost forgotten that Effie was coming into town! Relief must have washed over my features because Peeta just shook his head, shrugging his shoulders. "I give up. I don't understand you." He laughed, the digits of his right hand running through his blonde locks.

"I'm just… excited to see her! Girl talk, you know? Different than hanging out with you and Haymitch!" I placed my hands onto my hips, before seeing his face drop. "Oh, not like that Peeta, I meant... ugh. Girl stuff?" I tried to play it off, and again he shrugged before placing his hands into the air defensively.

"I don't want to know," He muttered, leading me towards the door. "Anyway, her train will be arriving shortly. Haymitch wishes we go with him to the train station."

"Of course," I nodded, watching as Peeta gathered himself. This man standing before me was innocent and pure, something completely different from the animalistic man I saw in my dreams. But I wondered if he, too, could break. I wondered if he would break. Swallowing, I had to divert my attention so I wasn't burning into his soul and to keep the pits of my stomach knotting up with tension.

We walked out the door, and Haymitch was already walking towards us. He was bathed and dressed nice, something unusual for him. When he was finally beside us, he smelt pleasantly nice, and his eyes didn't hold as dark of bags underneath. Haymitch actually looked like he was alive.

"Look at you all dressed up. We'd think you were trying to impress her," I cooly said, watching him carefully. The corner of his lips twitched, before his own blue grey eyes glared at me.

"Look, Sweetheart, she's annoying. Though she isn't a made up capitol hag anymore she still has expectations." Peeta and I glanced at each other, rolling our eyes as we made our way out of the new Victor's Village and down into the town.

This would be the first time I walked outside of the village, other than the woods, and I had to take it in. District 12 was put together, clean, and furbished. The clothes on everyone's backs were nicer, not soiled, and there were no damaged houses. All built from scratch. Definitely something different then the district 12 I walked into a year ago.

The heart of District 12 even looked the same. It held the Church and the School, the Hob, and the train station… and the bakery. I stopped, instantly my heart dropping as I tried to find the words. There was an empty building, still partially torn apart. The inside, through the uncovered windows, had damaged walls – holes in the wall from fists and broken cabinets. This is where Peeta lost control at, and I never even bothered to notice or care.

I looked over to Peeta, trying to read his face. He was calm, but his lips were tight and as hard as he tried to pull it off, he couldn't. He had tried all along to make sure I got better and I couldn't even stop to wonder about him. Unsurely, I reached over and let my finger's trace his hand for a moment, seeing how he'd react. He shifted his weight, turning to look at me as if confused before his own baby blues met mine, and I tried to offer a reassuring smile. Peeta forced a smile himself, moving his hand so our fingers could entwine. Effie would love to see this, and Peeta looked like he needed this.

The train's horn echoed throughout District 12 as it approached, but to my surprise it was a normal, non-exclusive train. It stopped and a few people got off, but when Effie decided to take a step from the train my jaw dropped.

Not the same Effie, indeed. Her hair was pulled back in a braided bun, blue eyes rimmed with a faint touch of natural make-up. Her lips weren't painted a hideous color either, but only had a soft touch of gloss. She wore blue jeans, the kind that fit her figure and a sweater, and though I had seen Effie without the makeup of the Capitol before, it still amazed me how pretty she still was.

"Oh, look at my darling's!" She cooed, in the same excited manner that she always sang in. Putting down her one bag, she opened her arms and wrapped them around Peeta and I at the same time. We laughed a bit, removing our hands to hug her back. "You two look fabulous, and so comfortable together!"

Pulling away, she smiled at us, before looking to Haymitch and raising a brow. "Haymitch," She mused, giving a firm nod in his direction. "I see you cleaned up for the occasion." Haymitch just stared at her, trying his best not to be annoyed.

"Didn't want to hear you complain!" He spoke through tight lips, taking her bag as she looked around District 12.

"My, it sure looks lovely here." She stated, her own eyes falling to Peeta's Bakery. A frown encased her pink lips, before she locked each of her arms to one of mine and Peeta's, turning back towards the Victor's Village. "Well, we've got much to catch up on. I haven't seen you in forever," she stated, leading the way back to our houses.

She began to talk about the other districts, how they were coming together and how they looked. I zoned out, mainly because listening to Effie too much gave me a headache at times. I pondered about the bakery, the crumbled and beaten walls and Peeta. That was his life with his family, and now his family was gone. There was only the Mellark Bakery with no one else but Peeta, a broken, abused, lost Peeta who didn't know if even this reality was real or not.

Somehow or another, I'd find a way to help him through this, the way he stayed by my side to help me through my comatose state. This time around, I was going to save the boy with the bread the way he saved me.


	9. Chapter 9

Effie's visit was nice. The rest of the day was spent catching up. Her eyes glowered to how close Peeta and I was, and we talked about the change in the capitol over dinner. Peeta made his signature dinner rolls and Haymitch put together a stew which was actually pretty good. Who knew the old man could cook?

"Oh it's just lovely! I always rooted for you two," She smiled, the same saddened smile from earlier but due to a different pain. "I'm so thankful every day to have met you two when I did." Haymitch nudged her arm, as if asking if she wanted another drink. She shook her head no, and Peeta and I moved to help clean up at Haymitch's.

"We're thankful too," said Peeta, offering her a warm smile. This must have made her feel better because she smiled, a big beautiful bold one as she raised her glass.

"On second thought, Haymitch…" Her voice met a higher octave, both of her thin brows raised. "I'll have a glass of wine for our joyous occasion!" I couldn't conceal the laugh, typical Effie still drinking wine. Haymitch looked relieved almost, silently thanking that there could be alcohol again.

He moved to the cupboard, a place I thought only held scotch and expired food, and pulled out a dark purple bottle. He dusted it off, using a knife as a makeshift corkscrew as he poured her drink in one of his own tumbler glasses.

"Sorry princess, we don't have wine glasses or those fancy white wines you were in love with," He handed her the glass and she gladly accepted, nearly chugging the whole 8 ounces before she held it up for another pour. Haymitch just watched her for a moment, curious, before pouring her another. If she wanted more, that meant the man could drink it up! - and he needed it, for being trapped with her. 

"I don't mind a bit – say! How about our two love birds have a glass! To celebrate a new life!" I opened my mouth to protest, but Peeta was already there to save the humiliation.

"I think we will pass Effie. Besides, Katniss and I are barely of age and, well, she was feeling a little down." Bless Peeta and his suave way with words. Effie pouted almost, before taking another sip.

"Understandable, maybe tomorrow!" I offered her a smile, thanking Peeta mentally for what he had said, which wasn't entirely true.

"Of course." I said, moving over to give her a firm hug. "Welcome back, Effie. We missed you." Her tiny arms wrapped back around me as she held me there for a minute.

"Oh Katniss dear, we'll have plenty of time to catch up!" Her hands moved from behind me to claps my own, a little light sparkling on her eyes. "Oh, I was going to wait but I can't hold it any more. I'm moving here, to District 12 to be with you three!"

Peeta and I had matching facial expressions. Shocked. Haymitch, however, spit his drink out and nearly kneeled over. "Oh, that's great!" I tried to be supportive or something along those lines, but she didn't care for the unsatisfied expressions.

"Yupp! The rest of my stuff comes in next week and I'll be an official resident! Katniss, I cannot wait to venture out with you a—"  
"Are you serious?" Haymitch cut her short, glaring for a moment. "You're just going to make me sleep on the couch for a whole week while, what, you get cozy! Where the hell are you staying?!"

Effie seemed a bit offended, giving him a cold look before returning her hands to her lap. "I'll be here for the week until I find a hotel or a house. Haymitch, you've slept in worse places than the couch – you know, like the goat shed?" Effie did have a point, Haymitch pretty much fell asleep anywhere when he was drunk enough.

"Whatever." He fumed, beginning to drink straight from the bottle as he stammered his way back into the living room.

"Well, he'll get over it…" Effie smiled, standing to hug both Peeta and I as we got ready to leave. "You two go and get some sleep, I'll see you in the morning. Oh and Katniss, I have a few things for you. We'll talk over tea…" She giggled almost, giving me a wink as she walked us to the door. Haymitch nodded, holding up his hand with the bottle of scotch as he silently told us bye.

"Of course, get some rest!" Peeta and I both smiled at her, closing the door as we made our way towards my house. Peeta was unusually quiet and a little distant, but from the corner of my eye I could see him looking over to me.

"Listen, Peeta…" I broke the silence, stopping my stride as I turned to him, trying to see the expression on his face. He seemed rather confused, swallowing hard as he held my own gaze. In the dim lights of the sidewalk between our houses, I could make out how tired Peeta really was.

His young dubious appearance was tainted almost, darkened with wrinkles scars. His eyes, once light even through his own personal hell were darkened. My heart was sinking into my chest. All this time I had ignored that Peeta was hurting, living through the same nightmare. I hadn't even asked if he was alright, not to his face at least.

The silence lasted, before I couldn't hide the discomfort I felt. Reaching out a hand, I grabbed one of his and looked shyly away. "Could you stay for tonight? We both could use the sleep…" His rough hands squeezed my own genuinely, tugging me a bit closer as he then wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug. Words didn't escape him as he held me like that, and if Effie could see us right in this moment she would be squealing with joy.

"Always." Then he did something I didn't expect. Strong arms moved to my waist, before he pulled me up off the ground and held me bridal style. His steps were slow but easy, uneven and untamed as he carried me across the path to my house. In the darkness of the night I saw he managed to smile, and being this close it dawned on me how much we needed this. This saved us in hell, and it would save us now.

At the house he fumbled with the door to get it open, pushing it hard as he tripped inside and caused it to hit hard. I laughed, and the sound must have been magic to Peeta's ears. He closed the door behind us and let me down, keeping his eyes on me.

There was something about the way he looked at me, and for an instant it flashed back into my mind the day I saw Peeta crying on the television. Through all of this he still managed to come back to me, and even now he hid the pain too well. I took his hands in mine, turning the knuckles so I could see as my thumbs traced them.

Scarred and bloody and scratched. Peeta always held my hands, sure to hide the fact he was destroying the walls of the bakery. He tried to pull his hands away but I stopped him, dropping my head so he couldn't see my hues. As much as he tried to protect me from this, there was no denying it.

"I'm so sorry…" I muttered, feeling the sting of the tears as they weld into my eyes. With a shakey breath he'd pull me to him once again as I cried into his strong shoulders.

"It's not your fault… I just can't control it sometimes…" Typical Peeta. No one else could do no harm. It was taking everything I had to not push him away, yell at him for not telling me about his problems. I wanted to scold him, the way a wife would when her husband was sick and he refused to rest.

"Peeta, don't do that!" The anger in my voice was new to me, something I don't recall happening until after awakening from the Quarter Quell to see that Peeta was taken by the Capitol. "I want to know these things, okay? I want to know when you are upset or mad. I want to be able to try to help you! I have a right to know!" Taken aback, Peeta stepped back and looked at me, nearly ashamed as he gathered his own thoughts.

"Katniss, I… there's nothing you could do," His shoulders slumped, admitting defeat before we even got started. "I didn't want to worry you, and they just… it was too soon." He was pacing now, as if trying to find another way to justify his own actions.

"I don't care, Peeta. I want to know when you're hurt, or mad, or confused, or anything! I want to be there for you." He was making me mad now, and before he could do anything else I grabbed ahold of him, staring straight into those perfect blues.

"Why, Katniss? So you can keep on saving the day?" That was cold, even for Peeta. My face must have shown how disgusted I was because Peeta instantly began to try to fix his words. "Not what I mean, look… I'm just under a lot of pressure." His hands moved up in self-defense, brows raised as he tried to move away from me again.

"Because I love you." With the resulting silence I thought something had been said wrong, and then I realized what I actually said. Letting go of his arm, it fell awkwardly to my side as I just stared at him. Can't take it back now, even if I needed to. It was right there, hanging in the open. Mentally, I wanted to punch myself in the face and run off in the woods in the middle of the night so no one could find me.

Peeta didn't say a word, instead he just looked at me as if he had seen a ghost. Arms fell to his side, before he opened his mouth but no words came out. _I love you. _Incidentally, this wasn't the first time I had said it, just the first time in front of Peeta. The first time those words left my mouth were when I attacked Haymitch when he said the capitol held Peeta Captive. There was another time with hijack Peeta, who constantly played a game of _real or not real. _

"_I must have loved you a lot" He said, _

"_You did" I replied, as if it was a regular conversation. _

"_And did you love me?" He'd ask, those blue eyes boring into my very soul. _

"_Everyone says I did." I said. That's all I left it at. _

Honestly, if he said anything in this moment I'd be good with just that. Hell, if he walked away to save me from the embarrassment that would be great as well. Any kind of reaction would be great! I was about to turn away and go lock myself in my room before he reached out and grabbed me.

His touch was gentle but there was a force behind it. As he moved closer to me, his baby blues were darker with something else, a hidden hunger. Peeta had needed to hear this, and finally he did. "You don't know how long I've wanted to hear that." Lips hungrily landed on mine, hands holding my face close to his. There was a warm sensation that washed over my body, taking me by storm and the pits of my stomach turned like they did the other day in my dream.

"I love you," He breathed, more eager with his kisses as he pushed me back against the wall. "I love you so _much." _There was a hint of a growl in his voice, a lustful hunger as his hands moved to my shoulders and pinned me against the wall. My own lips fought with his, hungry and eager for more. I hadn't felt this way since that damned dream, and the fact that this was reality was sending me into overdrive.

We were two teenagers lost in a haze of hormones. My lips parted as Peeta's tongue shyly ran the length, something new to the both of us. We had kissed before, but nothing quite like this. His broad body pressed against mine, a new heat washing over the both of us. I didn't push him away, didn't want to push him away. My arms rose to his shoulders, pulling him even closer as he trailed his own hands down my slender arms. The feeling of him doing that sent my body into overdrive, causing chills and Goosebumps to raise my hairs. This was really happening.

We'd stay like that for a few minutes, not wanting to part because we weren't sure how the other would react. Shifting my weight under him, it was apparent of the new presence I hadn't felt before, at least not in real life. Peeta was turned on, and that bulge was presenting itself against my midsection.

I was growing hot, hot and bothered like the other day and I was simply losing it. I just wanted to feel him do to me the way he had in that dream. Peeta must have felt the stirring, because as quick as he came on he turned off. Pushing away and back from me, he'd look so powerless and apologetic.

"I'm so sorry, Oh god, I'm so sorry…" He was stammering, confused, in a haze. He felt like a monster, I could tell, because he was trying to find something better to say than _I'm sorry. _

"It's alright," Yet my tone seemed unconvincing, due to me being lost in the moment. Frantic, he was uncomfortably shifting his weight on either leg, trying to hide that noticeable bulge to save himself from embarrassment. "Peeta, just stop…" My legs took me closer to him, holding up my hands palms out trying to act in surrender. "I promise," I met his gaze, noticing the fire that still brewed in his childlike manner.

"I… I don't know what got in to me…" He was still trying to find something for how he acted, and I couldn't help but smile. He looked at me as if I had gone insane. "Katniss…?" He questioned, which caused me to laugh.

"You're something," I said, reaching out to grab onto his hands. I never let my eyes fall from his. This was a side of Peeta only I got to see, and a part of me really enjoyed that. Swiftly tugging him downwards, I planted another fevered kiss to his lips.

Another animalistic sound left Peeta's throat as his arms quickly wrapped around my frail figure and pulled me into him. He kissed me, a different kind of passion than ever before. I wrapped my own arms around him and pulled him closer to me, lips parting so my tongue could trail his sweet lips. He tasted like vanilla. His hands moved from the back, to the nape of my neck as he pulled lightly at my hair. There was too much going on, every fiber of my being doused in lust. That familiar pang hit my insides, the warmth between my legs make its signature appearance, but it was nothing until I felt Peeta rock hard against me again. Wandering hands then slid down my back, straight to my behind where Peeta gave a firm but shy squeeze. Before I had knew it, we were heading upstairs…


End file.
